Now it's real

So I got my baby's ashes back last week. My Dad was sweet and picked them up for me and both mom an dad came over with them. I think it hit me but didn't really hit till I realize my Church was in a tin on my shelf over the fireplace. Something just sunk inside me because this was the final chapter and I still wasn't ready for it. Still don't want to close it. I tell myself it's not real, she's just at mom and dads or in a room I can't see her. I just am not accepting it. I know it sounds horrible but wow this is painful. She is in a freaking tin!!!! Its almost so hard to talk about her without tearing up. People that know me knew she was special and no one can be her or replace her. Doesn't change i want her back. Only been almost 2 weeks but why is it getting harder?? Is it because I'm angry or just that sad? I can think of a million things about her that make me smile. As I talked to a lady online from the beagle Bassett form page I'm on, she said it just right, "I'm lost without her".
I did get a wonderful surprise this Monday. I am on a forum at work for dog lovers. I had posted last Tuesday about my loss. An overwhelming amount of prayers and support were there. But I got a phone call and the lady at the other end was very sweet, never met her before, never talked to her before. She stated she was sending me a package via company mail and I'd have it that day. She said my post broke her heart and she felt compelled to do this. I got the package and in it was silk flowers in a pretty vase, a stuffed floppy eared dog & a card with beautiful words as well as stating that Church had told her to do this for her and send to me. It was signed the lady's name and aka The messenger. I cried at my desk as this was so sweet. I honestly think without people who understand how much pets are family and the bond between us and them, it would be even harder to get through this.
I know its going to be a day by day step by step process but this is so hard. Without the support of friends and family and my husband God bless him and his horrible comforting skills lol I'd be worse off.