My heartbreak

On Monday I said goodbye to my best friend of almost 16 years. My baby dog T.Church Peebody went on to bigger and better things. I ache like you wouldn't imagine just wanting her to be here when I come home to pet her and love in her. That dog was my shining star. She keep me sane, walked by my side through great times and my darkest times. Never judged me, just loved me for me. I know the wound is still fresh from having to make that decision Monday, but her quality of life had diminished. Her spark in her eyes had burnt out from the pain. I could have been selfish and held on to her for a bit longer but my heart said no and she let me know it was time. She knew I was safe now and was ok to leave my side. I cry for this baby dog. I miss her so much and it brings great pain to know her little face isn't here. I know this won't be a quick thing to get over but this pain is so great it's overwhelming me. I find myself searching for her. I don't want to accept she's not coming back. My most horrible moment was having to take her alone and once we knew she was completely gone I felt not only weak but guilty for leaving her on that cold table. I wanted her to wake up, just wake up!!! I had her cremated. Why some people say? Because I love her and want to hold on. Eventually I can bury the ashes, but until that day comes that's all I have except for pictures which I can't even look at right now without crying.