Angry and Up in the Air

So tomorrow is Monday. I'm dreading it with a passion. I used to dread it for different reasons, but this time it's to me worse. I work my ass off and give 110% regardless how lame, stupid or much I disagree with things. I am not a quitter and I have a high work ethic which finding people now a days with it is few and far between.
October 2011 I took a position within my company that I had wanted and was proud to have that title. Little did I know they consider it management and I don't. I feel I'm still an associate with a fancy title. I get paid no more for doing all the legwork and being the backbone of the teams we have and I am assigned to. When all the new hires came off the floor I helped train all 36 plus a team lead who came from the same place my sup did which was reports. It was fun and I was proud of my work.

Well, I was assigned 8 new hires originally then 4 more 2 months later for my team. I also had a sup who had only been on the floor a year doing nothing what we were doing and so now I have to train 13 people. I know you're thinking wait I thought you only got 12 new hires. Well, throw in the sup and now you have 13. I'm the only one there that is considered seasoned. I got them up and running the best I could. I talked with my sup daily on what we could do what we needed to do and he was either in agreement or we came up with a logical compromise. It was hard work, but man I was excited and stressed and drained 24/7. I took my work home with me, I couldn't let it go. I thought about it constantly and what needed to be done, how I could make it run smoother. My sup who is a nice guy gave them everything they wanted because I put the buzz in his ear on things. However I also told him to watch it because you give to much and they start to walk on you. I warned him, at some point you have to let them fly, sink or swim. He couldn't, his motto was give them what they want and they will give you work back. Little did I know, things were only going to get harder.

My team was new to this environment, they (not all of them please note but a majority) were angry procedures changed daily, complained to many emails, they asked the same questions over and over and over then when I tried to make them actually work in bucking up and not asking, they got angry with me. I got even more stressed and then the anger set in. I had talks, emails to back up those talks, trained, made hand outs, but it was to late, they had been handed so much and given so much it was like trying to tell a 2 year old they couldn't do something and then getting the tantrum. I admit there were times I was so frustrated I snapped at them gave them smart ass remarks. In turn, they went to the sup and even manager to complain. I helped you and this is how you are going to go with this?? My sup had a talk with me, he saw how upset I was over tons of stuff as I don't cry unless I"m super pissed. Well this was breaking me to that point. I now hated all of them, thought they were idiots wanted to just do my job and never talk to them if this was the thanks I was getting. My sup had my back he never let it get any further then him talking to me. I trusted him. I always had his back and was loyal and trusted him. If any of them wanted to complain about him I'd always have an excuse as to why he was doing what he was doing or wanted to go further I diffused that situation. I bent over backwards trying to have him learn procedures, backing him up with work when he couldn't get to it. Basically I was doing his job & mine.

I got to the point I had a breakdown. I balled to my mom in the car, I beat my steering wheel, I cried to Jack and begged to just never to have to go back to that job because they had broken me. These people had broken me. I woke up every morning and existed basically. I walked in did what I had to like always and went home. I was like a zombie a miserable zombie who hated and cringed walking in the building daily. This went on for months and months.

This past weekend I came back from a great weekend celebrating our 1 year anniversary. I had read emails from work on Monday and was kinda thinking..hmmm. I had a class Tuesday and He kept texting me while I was in it. Hey jerk I'm trying to learn crap and you're time isn't any more important then mine. Stop texting me!! I was pissed, so he got me into a team meeting about 5 strengths and emotional intelligence. I was not happy due to him thinking his time was more important. I advised him afterwards of what was going on with the 2 and his words were "F them", let them go to HR. I tried to tell him, its not that you should be scared of HR, its that it doesn't look good when they do. He didn't care. I just said ok and went on.

Later on that day I talked to the manager and got her to get us a meeting. Somehow I was invited and not sure why because I hadn't been there for any of this. Well apparently my sup looked at my calendar and just was wondering why. I told him before I don't know why and he would just say ok. Wednesday, same thing just different day with those 3. I was thinking oh the drama, can it just stop? Thursday, we were to have a team building project. I came in as normal and he called me and said I'll need to talk to you when i get in. Ok, no problem this wasn't abnormal. He got in there and we went to a meeting room. When the door shut, his nostrils flared and hes words of anger were "why in the hell are you doing to that meeting?". As I told him before because I didn't appreciate his tone, I don't have a clue. I wasn't here for all this mess and that I couldn't make it anyway for the meeting. That answer must not have been good enough. He then proceeded to tell me I wasn't loyal, I didn't have his back and in not so many words he didn't trust me. I was furious. He was angry I didn't tell them to come to him. Hey dumb ass you weren't talking to each other so why would they come talk to you? Hmmm? I told him maybe he should be the bigger person and ask them to come talk to him and it could keep it from going to the manager. He didn't want to, I kept trying to get him to do this. He said I am not going to talk to both of them the same time. I simply said it would be better as then they couldn't compare notes and they both heard the same thing. He wasn't hearing it. Then he said after other words were exchanged regarding the whole situation (not bad words just angry things), he didn't want to do this team building thing. I said ok if you don't want to then don't. We both left the room on those words.

9:30 Time came to walk down I had the whole team of 12 + me. I looked back and no sup. I said did anyone see him. They said he said he had a meeting at 11. I thought he'd catch up to us, possibly leave a few early for that meeting. We get to corporate, we start this activity and I get a text, "Can't make it feel sick." Really? How disappointing to be a leader and give that excuse. Ok whatever so I let it go and thought, he really just put me in charge ok nice. We got finished, walked back to our building. I wrote thank you emails and even went to see the manager to advise her how wonderful it was and how everyone actually got along and smiled together. She was pleased. Then I got a IM from the sup later on saying he was going to talk to the 2 that he'd had a problem with. Great! However I warned him, talk to both at the same time, he still wouldn't listen.

Friday morning, one of the girls comes over and proceeds to advise me that pretty much the meetings he made me the bad guy, and threw me under the bus to make himself look better, even told them he was never mad at them which was a blatant lie. I was furious! They still had their meeting with the manager. I don't know how it went as I left before they had it Friday. I can't imagine, but now I don't trust him, I don't have his back and I certainly am not loyal at this point. If throwing me under the bus makes you feel better and makes you look better go right ahead. I know what I've done for this team and if you want to tear it down go right ahead. Hope you can do all your work yourself as I'm not doing it anymore. I'm not busting my ass to make you look better and I'm not doing anything extra for you. I'm dreading going in tomorrow. I dread looking at him as all I want to do is punch him in the face and laugh which I can't do but I can mentally picture it. What a jerk. So now my problem isn't with the team, its with him. How do you work with someone who completely tried to side swipe you to make themselves look better? I've given my all for this position, blood, sweat and enough tears in less than a year. I can no longer separate work and home. I have stomach problems and my blood pressure is out the roof anymore, anxiety is out of control. I know my friends are tried of hearing my complaints but it consumes me anymore. Please dear Lord, get me out of this position and let me move on to a better one in a different department.