Awesome...simply awesome

So I've been trying to get a new position for a while and had gotten word one was becoming available where I knew someone. It was something I wanted extremely bad the more I found out about what they did. I applied, got my phone interview...aced it! Next face to face, nervous. It thought I did well. Today I received my "no thank you" letter. So was I upset? Yes. Was I devistated? Yes. 

I wasn't prepared for this. I am starting to think that this is karma knocking on my door for being a horrible person or being cold hearted on some occasions. I feel like I'm never getting out of the position I'm in. I'm in a black hole that won't let go of its grip. My feelings are so out of control right now. I honestly hate crying. I feel it's a form of weakness but right now I am weak. I'm lost and confused. Ooohhhh myyyy glob I'm crying!!!!

What is my purpose in life? I feel like a failure right now. Defective in a sense. I work my butt off daily, I very rarely take off work, I never call in, I work on my off days at home and late at night to get stuff done that needs to be done. I am always tied to work and don't get paid OT for all the extra I do. Unappreciated is also how I feel. I'm sure lots of people feel like that but I go above and beyond. Lots of people ask me why I do that and my honest answer is it's just that driven in me to be that person. I wish I could be like others that when their time is up at work they walk out the door and don't look back. Dear work, please release my brain from your strangle hold.

Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful I have a job, just frustrated that I have a job that makes me over stressed or should I say unnecessary stress, feel I have to watch my back at all times and listen to high school drama as well as constant whining. 

I know with every job there will be stress and I'm fine with that. I'm not fine with the stress mentioned earlier. I keep hearing bigger things are in store and so forth but what and when? Pretty soon I'll either be committed or defeated (as if I'm not already). I see people who I can't figure out how the crap they get certain positions and why them and here I sit in misery wanting to rip my hair out. Maybe I should just rip their hair out to feel better. Actually this calls for punching them in the face.

Sadness, lots of sadness. Too bad I have no way to release that. I mean sure I'm blogging...whoppity doo!!! I'd get in my car and drive but that requires gas and a car that won't fall apart because well, it's seen better days. Listening to music never fails when you're sad, 377484 sad songs come in in a row. I'm sure I could find a project to do here around the house but not sure it would turn out well. Crafty is not my middle name. 

Awesome....simply awesome.